Meet Rocco: A-Minus’ New Head of Nocturnal Affairs
A very unexpected hire joins the team.
Last week, the internet did what it does best: it fell in love with a story that was equal parts chaos, comedy, and cautionary tale.
A raccoon in Ashland, Virginia broke into a liquor store, fell through the ceiling, sampled several excellent whiskeys, and was discovered sleeping it off in the bathroom—sprawled out in what investigators diplomatically described as “a moment of deep personal reflection.”
Today, we’re thrilled to share that this unexpected hero has officially joined the A-Minus team.
Yes, really.
Introducing Rocco, A-Minus’ newly appointed Head of Nocturnal Affairs
After reviewing his résumé—which consists primarily of “field research,” “gravity testing,” and “unplanned whiskey flights”—we knew he was the right fit for a role we’ve been meaning to fill: a position dedicated to the realities of nighttime decision-making and the importance of next-morning recovery.
In other words:
Rocco knows the night life. And he knows what happens after.
As our Head of Nocturnal Affairs, Rocco will assist with public education around alcohol metabolism, acetaldehyde, and how to avoid waking up feeling like you’ve just crash-landed through a ceiling tile.
His message is simple:
If you’re going to enjoy a night out, finish strong. Take A-Minus after drinking.
(A piece of advice he wishes he'd known earlier.)
Watch the Breaking News Announcement
We made it official with a breaking-news style update featuring Rocco’s appointment.
You can watch the segment here:
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DR7-_N8ESUc/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
Why Rocco?
Because Rocco represents the truth more honestly than any of us would like to admit:
- He reflects the spirit of late-night enthusiasm.
- He demonstrates what happens when toxins take over.
- He embodies the universal morning-after sentiment:
“I regret everything except the part I don’t remember.”
And because at A-Minus, we believe science can be smart and have a sense of humor.
Rocco may be mischievous.
He may be nocturnal.
He may have caused approximately $250 worth of damage to a Virginia ABC store.
But he’s also wise.
And he’s here to help.
Welcome to the Team, Rocco
You’ll be seeing more of him—sharing insights, offering nocturnal guidance, and hopefully staying out of any more ceilings.
Until then…
Drink smart. Recover smarter.
—The A-Minus Team
